captainamerica-in-middle-earth:
why is blood so hard to wash off of your hands?
I JUST REALIZED HOW BAD THIS SOUNDS FOR THE RECORD I HAD A NOSE BLEED IM NOT A SERIAL KILLER
hydrogen peroxide dissolves blood. just fyi
do you think if you gave someone a huge shot of hydrogen peroxide straight into their bloodstream it would kill them?
THIS GODDAMN WEBSITE IS JUST ALL MADE UP OF MURDERERS
what do you call a hooker that you pay with spaghetti?
a pastatute
how many people unfollowed you because of this
20
mom, dad, these are my newborn twins. their names are mom and dad. i named them after you. what do you mean ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ aren’t your real names? what the hell? i already named these kids thanks for telling me now
(via vanillish)
why do people have quiet respectful funerals when i die i want my ashes mixed with glitter and packed tightly into a coffin and then they blow up the coffin with explosives so glitter rains down on the guests while blasting “thanks for the memories” by fall out boy
(via thats-slightly-raven)
if you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
(Source: drarna, via thats-slightly-raven)
i hate teachers who dont let u go to the bathroom because “too many people went already” like yea but none of those people were me and our bladders arent connected so just because they peed already doesnt mean i dont have to pee anymore
(Source: jesuschristvevo, via strangersgivethebestcandy)
